Are You Listening Challenged?
Are you a good listener? To help you evaluate, do you: Impatiently wait for someone to stop talking so you can interrupt? Jump in before someone has a chance to finish their sentence or thought? Take out your cell phone or some other device in the middle of a conversation? Nod like you’re in agreement while thinking of an entirely different subject or thought? Get excited when someone creates a stage for you to tell your story? Trump someone’s story with one of your own? Wish someone would hurry up because you’ve already got a diagnosis to the problem that they haven’t even fully shared yet?
Well if you said yes to any of these, you may be “listening challenged”. Don’t be too hard on yourself, because you are not alone. In fact, something like 80 percent of leaders think they are good listeners, but in actuality most are not. In fact, in our executive coaching practice we have worked with many senior executives who have admitted, or learned through gaining feedback from others, that they are indeed “listening challenged”.
So what is a good listener? Definition.com says it’s, “someone who listens carefully, attentively, and sympathetically, typically in parting support and understanding to the speaker”. They can be identified as those who make good eye contact, observe non-verbal cues, and ask great questions stemming from curiosity. Leaders who display great listening build self-esteem in others, create safe environments, have cooperative conversations, and make thoughtful suggestions not based on assumptions. Most of us probably know this. It sounds simple but it’s certainly not easy to do!
So if you think you are a poor listener, what can you do about it? First, assess your listening skills through doing an accurate diagnosis. This can be done by self-assessing and/or through gaining feedback from others. Then, develop a targeted action plan to address any deficiencies. Next, execute your plan by practicing the new behaviors. Finally, engage and ask stakeholders for feedback on your progress. This feedback will ultimately help gauge your improvement and any needed adjustments to behavior.
As a resource, we often refer clients to Oscar Trimboli. Oscar is a coach, speaker, and author of the book, “Deep Listening: Impact Beyond Words”. Oscar explores the four villains that derail listening, described as Dramatic, Interrupting, Lost, and Shrewd. To find out your primary and secondary villain, take his 7-minute listening quiz on listeningquiz.com. What we like most about Trimboli’s approach is that it offers both insight and suggestions on how to combat your villains. To find out more, listen to this “Coaching For Leaders” podcast where Oscar is interviewed by host, Dave Stachowiak.
In sum, effective listening is a critical skill needed by leaders. Most of us have to work at it to get better. The good news is, that like most other skills, it can be learned. Commitment, practice, and feedback are the currency towards improvement. So, are you ready to work on your listening?
